{"product_id":"total-vegan-offensive-funny-t-shirt","title":"Total Vegan™ Offensive T-Shirt | Dark Humour Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eBig statement. Smaller print. Maximum judgement.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAt first glance, it proudly screams \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e“Total Vegan.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\nLook closer… and suddenly it’s doing all the talking \u003cem\u003eyou didn’t ask for\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis T-shirt is for anyone who’s ever survived a lecture about oat milk, protein deficiency, or why cheese is \u003cem\u003ebasically murder\u003c\/em\u003e. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSubtle enough to pass at a distance. Devastating up close.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\n\n\n\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWear it ironically. Wear it aggressively. Wear it around \u003cem\u003ethat\u003c\/em\u003e friend.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhy you’ll love it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\n\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDark, layered humour that rewards close inspection\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBold typography with a hidden punchline\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDesigned to offend gently… then thoroughly\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGuaranteed to get double-takes and awkward pauses\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex fit — because moral superiority isn’t gendered\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFair warning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt may result in:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePassive-aggressive conversations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSudden defensiveness\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSomeone explaining that \u003cem\u003ethey’re not like other vegans\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf that sounds like your kind of chaos — congratulations. You’ve found your new favourite T-shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eProduct details\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\n\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex crewneck T-shirt\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSoft, durable fabric built for everyday wear\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eClassic fit — not slim, not boxy, just right\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePrinted with high-quality, long-lasting inks\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMade to survive debates, dinners, and eye-rolls\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize 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(cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e81\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\n\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA) Length (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB) Width (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e44\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e56\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e59.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e63.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB) Half Chest (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\n\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eGeneral\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eThe tee combines comfort, style, and durability, making it a top choice for both everyday wear and craft projects.\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eWash\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eMaintain the tee's look and feel by washing it in cold water with similar colors.\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eDry\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eTumble dry low or hang dry to 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